The New Normal

One of my favorite things to do since living in the city (NYC) is to wave and say hello to strangers on the street.  I love to do this, because I’m usually greeted back with a look a confusion. Sadly, I’m not sure people are used to genuine kindness from a stranger.  It happens, but perhaps maybe not as often as it should – I’m guilty of not doing it enough.

 

I also love to compliment strangers as well.  Some respond with surprise and gratefulness, while others are awkwardly trying to forget I ever said anything.  I’m not sure that we know how to respond to a genuine compliment. Is there a motive behind that compliment? Do you need something? Want something? What’s the catch? It’s sad, isn’t it?

 

I find it intimidating to be kind to a stranger when it’s not reciprocated.  I feel foolish, and kind of dorky. Here I am with a goofy grin on my face, and the other person is just staring at me with annoyance.   Oh well. At least I still did it.

In most recent years, I’ve come to notice something really profound when I take a moment to listen/acknowledge/say hello to another person (heck, even a stranger).  We aren’t  as DIFFERENT from one another as we think we are.

 

We all want the same three things: Acceptance, love, and forgiveness. The details, years, and experiences in between those three common themes can vary with each person, but at the core of every human being, is a longing for those three things.  It doesn’t matter how confident a person can appear. You might even look at some man in a nice suit, and think, “oh. Well he must have it all together. He must have a substantial amount of funds in his account, and here I am struggling from paycheck to paycheck.”  When in reality, that man may have the poorest and saddest heart imaginable. He may be spending 100 hours in the office, just to escape the fact that he has a marriage that is falling apart, as a result of the tragic loss of his first born just a few months prior.

 

You see, we’ve all suffered loss. All of us. We have all longed to be accepted by someone, loved by someone, and forgiven by someone. 

 

I think sometimes, we try to separate ourselves from another individual because we’ve been hurt. Maybe we choose to separate from another people group simply (although not simple at all!) because we’ve been continually hurt, ostracized and abused by an individual (or individuals) from that people group. Wounds are real. But even more real, is the act of forgiveness. I don’t say any of this lightly, because of the current state of the “heart and soul” of our country, and need I say, WORLD. The idea that unforgiveness is an validated way to continue living your life, breaks my heart on a million levels. I can’t fix it. Honestly, it’s incredibly overwhelming, because that's how a lot of us live. We feel that there is no need to forgive someone who hurt us, or someone we love. We are happy to live our lives holding on to a suitcase filled with unforgiveness.

Here's a thought: That's not a burden we were meant to carry. Stop packing that suitcase with more crap. There's a Savor for carrying that kind of thing. His name is Jesus. More on that later.

 

What if we decided to look at others differently? What if, instead of assuming the worst about others – EVEN WHEN they treat us unjustly, that we extended kindness and compassion? It will probably be the most uncomfortable act that we do. We all know that ONE person who doesn't deserve any kindness. What if we were to look at ourselves in the metaphorical mirror of the forgiveness scale we so easily put on others? Would we extend kindness then? We should.

 

Quite honestly, forgiving and choosing to see the best in others can be incredibly frightening. It can make us feel weak, and not in control. When in fact, we are even more in control than when we give in to the anger, bitterness, judgment and hurt places in our heart.

 

Here’s a challenge for all of us.  It may even change your whole life - starting with your immediate perspective: Reach out to a stranger – someone that you’ve never met and probably would never normally speak to. Deliberately pick someone that intimidates you. Start a conversation with them, compliment them, smile at them and say hello…wherever that leads you.  You may find that person to be the most incredible individual that you’ve ever met. You may find a story within that person that speaks louder than the differences you thought you had with them.

 

Be a light in a very dark world. Reach down in the deepest part of your heart and find the courage to be different. Be that one person smiling on the subway when everyone else is grumbling and glaring at you in disgust. You never know what your smile, hello, compliment, and listening ear will be for another person. It may even be the difference between life and death for someone.

 

Jesus forgave when He knew we would betray and turn against Him. He forgave when He knew we’d be the ones crucifying Him. He loves us, even when He knows we are about to do something stupid. He looks at us with so much love that our minds would explode if He were here in person. I want to love like that. I want to love so liberally, so unconditionally, that others find me to be foolish. So, I guess…what I really want to be is that person with the big goofy grin on her face after giving someone a genuine compliment, hello, or wave.  I might be called “weird” here and there, but that’s just because it’s not normal. 

 

Let’s make it normal.

And THESE ARE THEIR STORIES

If you know me fairly well, you are aware of my obsession with Law & Order: SVU.  I may or may not have watched seasons 1-12 at least 4 times through...and loved it just the same every time. One of my favorite lines in the opener that plays before every episode is the line that says, "AND THESE ARE THEIR STORIES.." (dun dun!) - You'll get that reference, if you've seen the show.






I love a good story...especially when it's someone else telling me their story.  I genuinely feel both honored that someone would trust me with their story, and also protective. I feel as though that person has trusted me with something so personal, and REAL- a moment(s) in life that marked them forever. Kind of like...a Tattoo (I'll get to this in a moment).










We're not all THAT different...




For the last few years, I've been "toying" with this idea of writing others 'stories. The past few years have been me deciding to do this, and then deciding that "maybe it's not the right time." Then I get the courage to do it, thinking it's a good idea, but of course, its' quickly followed by: "This is so dumb. Someone has already done this. Why would anyone trust me with their deepest secrets?"


The overwhelming thought that usually silences my idiotic thoughts is that: we aren't all that different. I know we think we are. We really do.  W all love the idea of being an individual and "doing our own thing."  And whilst I believe God created us all as individuals, unique and wonderfully made, that is not what I'm referring to.






At the very core of our humanity; need I say, existence is an innate desire to be loved, forgiven, and accepted.  Maybe I'm being a bit presumptuous to place such a large "blanket statement" over all of humanity, but I think I'm right. 














 T.A.T.S (These are their Stories)


Let's look at the idea of a tattoo. Unless you decide to go the route of very painfully removing a tattoo, it becomes a permanent reminder of a moment in your life. No matter how passionate one may get about their tattoo defining who they are as a person, it doesn't - and neither does a moment in your life define you as a person. I do however believe that our experiences (stories) can help build us or tear us down. We choose. Bottom line, our stories don't define us, but they do matter. A lot.


More beautifully, our stories can unite us. 






It's easy to judge a person by what you THINK you know about them at face value. But the reality is that they too have experiences - both good and bad. There is a reason why we act the way that we do. Before you start throwing your judgment pointers my way, I'm not condoning terrible behavior or a lack of valuing others! But it may explain why people act certain ways. We've all heard the phrase, "hurting people hurt people." I can't tell you how many times, HANGER (hunger and anger happening at the same time...it's real, don't laugh) has set in, and I turn into a lesser awesome version of myself. Funny, but also very true.





The Moment it HIT me like a ton of bricks...


When I first threw out the "idea" of writing others' stories on social media (something I would have never done if I didn't feel prompted in my heart to do so...), I was overwhelmingly surprised with the response of people (only about a dozen or so...but still more than I thought I would have respond) wanting to share their stories with me...and ultimately - everyone else. Most of the responses were something along the lines of..."I've never shared my story. But I think it's time, and I think I should start with you."




WOW.






To which, I reply: "are you ok with me sharing it with everyone?"




And of course, their reply is something like: "Yes. It's time."




WOW. That's really all I can say, because I'm convinced this whole thing is going to wreck me for good. And whilst it is in no way about "me," I know in the end, it will change me.  It's kind of impossible to hear the experiences of others, and not be changed.









What is THIS?




So that is what this is. I'm ultimately hoping that I'm just the FIRST stop on many peoples' journey to telling their stories. I hope after sharing it with me, that they can tell their stories without shame, guilt, and full of confidence that their lives can make a huge impact on this earth. Like I'm the first stop on their world tour. I also hope that you'll be inspired to reach out more to others, in spite of your own insecurities or assumptions about the person on the other side of the subway car.




Who knows what could happen?!






And These Are Their Stories....stay tuned.